Time: Life’s Elusive Entity

Time.

The one thing you wish you had more of when you’ve lost someone so special to you that every bone in your body aches for one more day.

It’s what you yearn for when your testy toddlers all of the sudden have grown into independent young men.

And, what your soul wishes would just stand still when you’re hundreds of miles away from home with your family, and it’s day six of your once-annual, seven-day getaway off the grid.

It's elusive.

As a young child, time ticked away so slowly from one grade-to the next. When the season of Halloween hit, I can remember thinking it seemed so far away until Santa would make his appearance and deposit the goods. Now, as an adult, that blessed season between the first of November and New Year’s Day flies by in the blink of an eye.

Maybe that's why I leave our Christmas decorations up well beyond the Epiphany. I need more time to enjoy all that the season has to offer, and it truly doesn't slow down long enough to do so until after we celebrate the birth of Christ.

“Just wait until they get to school,” I recall more than one experienced parent advising me when I was a stay-at-home-mom in the throes of the “terrible three’s” with my oldest, and my youngest teething, and every single day seemed like Groundhog Day. “You’ll blink and a year will pass,” they’d say.

No truer words were spoken.

Time slips from our fingertips as quickly as sand when we squeeze it. Ticking away the days and the months and the years of our lives quicker than we can count them ourselves.

It’s been one week since that very moment in time when I knew life was about to change for a while. The time was 10:30 on a Friday morning in early Spring. I dialed in to a conference call that ended by 11:00. And, just like that, something special I'd worked diligently for nearly a decade to build was taken away. For how long, only time will tell, but for a moment, my life stood still. A moment in time I will never forget.

I hung up the phone and I looked out my bedroom window at the Spring about to explode all around me with color, but not quite there yet. The grass getting greener than the day before, and the trees beginning to bud with life. Every color of bird basking in the sun as they flew between my birdhouses for their free-reign snack. And, I closed my eyes. And, I prayed.

In that moment in time, I prayed for clarity. And, I prayed for peace of mind, body, heart and soul.

Although a full week has already passed, it's as if time is standing still out here on our nearly-six acres of heaven-on-earth, while the world around me is falling apart. An invisible enemy is virtually consuming our earth one country at a time. I am in awe of its enormity, while in the same breath terrified of its power. I’m a part of this extraordinary moment in time when Covid-19 has changed our world forever. A moment in time that could have never been imagined just a few short months ago is now our living, breathing reality.

Six months ago, I was watching my youngest play soccer in 90-degree heat. And, we took our boat out for one of the last sailings of the season. The boys were a little more than a month into their eighth-grade and fifth-grade school years, and we were preparing for Fall. September 2019 feels like a lifetime away. So much has changed forever.

But, one week ago I was granted a sliver in time to just breathe in the life that’s around me. And, in the days since, I’ve been stopped in my own tracks by just how much of my reality has been held hostage by the hectic life I've created by my very own doing. I never realized how captive I was held by the chains of life’s agenda until I hopped off the train and stood alongside the tracks.

Numerous times this week I’ve caught myself in the midst of plowing through an activity with my head down at break-neck speed, for fear of time in the day running out before I can get my to-do list complete. And, then, I realized I could slow down. In fact, I could stop if I wanted to.

So, that's just what I did each and every time my mind went to that harried place of anxiousness over what to do next. It was eye-opening to digest how many times a day my mind automatically resorted to this exhausting existence.

Plow ahead!
What's next to conquer?
What time is it? Because, I have to get on to the next task by this time or that.

I’ve had to reassure myself more times than I can count this week that my existence does not need to be held captive by life's busyness. It's perfectly acceptable to just slow down and take the time to do something with ease. I can breathe through it, and take it all in, with no fear of what I have to do next, or where I have to be in another hour.

Severing the restraints of time has been amazingly liberating. However, it makes me sad to know that it took this entire world coming to a literal stand still, in order for me to stop the rat race and breathe in this blessed life I've been given.

This week, I sat in one of my pondside Adirondack chairs more times than I can count and just rested. And, when my husband was ready to take his remote work day lunch hour, we ventured out our long gravel drive to our countryside backroads for a few miles of much-needed exercise in the fresh air. I got my hands dirty in my flower beds for hours on-end with no worry on my mind of where I needed to be, or who I needed to rush off to ball practice (although, our whole household is truly missing sports right now!).

Time stood still this week at home, kind of like it does when we're on vacation far away. It was a gift. I rested. I took in the sunshine. I prayed quietly throughout the day whenever I felt I needed to. I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. And, every time I felt myself slipping back into that harried rush of time, I remembered to just breathe.

This moment in time feels like I'm exactly where God wants me to be. I'm home. And, I'm trying my best to be still. And, I'm trying even harder to just listen to him.

On Friday, Pope Francis stood in an eerily-empty St. Peter’s Square in Rome and led the world in a special Urbi et Orbi blessing. At one point in the livestream, I was one of 114,000-plus human beings across the globe praying with him for the eradication of Covid-19. We prayed for the protection of God’s grace to cover our healthcare workers and first responders, and for God’s gentle hand to bring peace to those suffering from this horrific virus. We prayed in global unison, hopeful for a miracle.

For that moment in time on Friday, I was connected to this world in a way I've never known, and it was powerful.

The Pope recited words of reflective encouragement. “Seize this time of trial as a time of choosing. It’s a time to separate what is necessary from what is not. A time to get our lives back on track.”

His words echoed through my soul as if it were God himself speaking them. What he was communicating I knew to be true, because I had felt it in the pit of my gut from the moment my world changed in response to this invisible enemy.

It's truly a unique time of choosing. A time to separate what's necessary in our lives from what's not. A time to get life back on track.

My soul is at a different sense of peace than I've ever known in this moment in time. But, I'd be a fool to think life will remain this way once the world begins to heal from the grips of Covid-19. When all the mandates are lifted, and the kids are back to school, and we return to work, and all the necessary evils that eat away at my precious time will again be squeezed into a two-day weekend. I know the ticking clock will once again be something I find myself racing up against. But, I pray I keep this moment in time as close to my heart and soul as humanly possible. I pray it changes me from the inside out, one day at a time, until this season of unknown comes to an end.

These times are like none other. A season I hope to never experience again as long as I live. So many lives lost, and changed, and transformed forever. But, God is working through these trials like none other. He's here amongst the despair and fear.

In the words of Pope Francis, "Seize this time of trial as a time of choosing."

Don't let it slip away so easily. 

Because, it will. 

Time is elusive. 

And, it's something we never get back once it's passed by us.

I pray I never lose sight of this blessing I’ve been given during this season of life. Time has slowed down. And, I'm thankful. This moment in time is mine to embrace and experience with every ounce of faith inside of me. This time is a gift from God. That's why it's called the present.